the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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