I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
