Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
