so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Damn victory sex feels great
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