lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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