he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
