dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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