PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
