I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
