his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
