I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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