hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
home. puking in laundry basket.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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