Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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