Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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