Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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