I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
