Already got asked if we're dating
Plan B is the new Plan A
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
