what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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