I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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