just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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