I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
