my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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