I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
