You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
