She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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