FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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