Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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