Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
