plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
