No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
