He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
