there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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