Just fell off a train. Bad.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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