well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
