Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
