My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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