I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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