I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
