That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
