I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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