Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
