White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize