I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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