Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
