I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
