I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
