Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
