I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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