Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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