So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
